Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

Phoebe was exhausted when she opened the door of the attic for her and Cole and went immediately to sit down on the couch.

It was over.

Lysistratas had been stopped and had been destroyed. He couldn't harm anyone ever again. They hadn't just bound him again. Binding him would have left him able to some day escape again and torment others like he had those students this week. No, they had bound him and Piper had used the vanquishing potion that she and Piper had made earlier that day.

She had never seen anything so horrible. The tentacles that had risen up and attacked people while they were trying to bind it, The tentacles that had wrapped around Cole and Piper...

Phoebe made a soft whimper in her throat and dropped her head down as she started shaking.

Phoebe opened her eyes and decided it was way too early to be awake as it was barely light up through the curtained window. She closed her eyes and snuggled back up to Cole.

The last few days of introspection and moping had been both productive and counterproductive. She was no closer to understanding why their dad had abandoned them, but she was understanding a little bit more that Grams needed Paige back at the Manor so that she could teach her their history and their heritage...but she missed her younger sister. Piper leaving at the end of the summer meant that for the first time she was going to be alone without at least one of her sisters near her.

It was not a very pleasant thought to her.

Phoebe heard the kittens moving around in the room, but she had no desire to get out of bed as of yet. She was warm and comfortable, curled up in bed with Cole holding her and she probably wasn't going to move anytime soon.

She had enjoyed being in the cabin, but she was happy to have their privacy and their own bed back. She also was happy to ahve the quiet since there were actual doors and not curtains --- and there weren't the sounds of people wandering outside.

She nuzzled Cole and then smiled.

Yep, bed was nice.

Phoebe was making much with the pummeling of the free-standing punching bag she had been attacking yesterday. Of course, she would probably be doing better at her work out if she wasn't in tears.

Kiki was leaving.

She punched the bag again, hoping that it would make her feel better. It didn't.

In the last four days, the following had happened:

1) Camulus had disappeared, leaving only cryptic notes for her and for Orlin.
2) Piper had been turned into a Fury.
3) Cole had been mind-flayed or whatever by a Fury.
4) Cole had disappeared for awhile.
5) Kiki had told her her parents were pulling her from school and bringing her home.
6) Cole had told her he didn't deserve her or her love.
7) She had lost the notes for the study guide for Arthurian traditions.

All in all? It had been a bad week and one that made her want to just go away and hide for awhile.

After Cole had left the East Attic last night, Phoebe had been a little frantic. She had stayed with Chloe and Veronica for awhile and made sure that Piper was going to be alright. She and Paige had talked and her sister promised to fill her in later. She had spent several moments hugging Piper, greateful that they had her back and then she had left so the others could get some rest.

She had assumed that when Cole shimmered out that he had gone home, to the South Attic, but when she got there, it was mostly empty. The kittens were there and they picked up on her distress. How could they not? She was still convinced that Cole had gotten them keyed into her moods and her empathy so they could help balance her out a bit. Of course, calling them kittens wasn't the best description as they were growing.

She made some tea (thank you, Aziraphale, for introducing her to this form of calming and soothing) and sat in her favorite seat by the window.

She was worried.

She had felt the pain and guilt that Cole was feeling when Piper attacked him and she could only imagine how much worse it had to have been for him. Everything that the Fury disguised as her sister had made him feel must have been devestating. He had told her that he had done a lot of evil things and killed a lot of witches and innocents before he had met her.

Before they had met.

He was no longer that person, he had changed and he was trying to be good now. His belief earlier that he should have died had torn at her. He really did believe they should have let him die... that he deserved it.

This scared her.

Cole was one of the people who was determined to live life and survive no matter what he had to do. To hear him sound so defeated was an anomaly. She didn't like anomalies like this.

She considered scrying for him... but she had left Kiki's map back in the other Attic. It was too late to go knocking on their door. All of them needed rest. She needed rest. However, she knew that was not likely to happen until she knew Cole was safe and knew where he was.

Phoebe closed her eyes and did her best to concentrate on the link they shared between them.

Beloved... where are you? Come home, please?

Phoebe had been sitting on the couch staring incomprehensibly at her Sociology notes and being somewhat jumpy at every sound, when there was a knock on the door. She was confused for a moment as she wasn't expecting anyone. She looked to where Valkyrie and Seraphim had suddenly appeared at either side of her. She looked at them and then she looked at the door. Swallowing hard, she got up and crossed to the door. When she opened it, she let out a yelp of surprise and stumbled back slightly.

There was a skeleton standing there, wearing a scarf and holding an unlit cigarette. She stepped back and he came into the attic. He gestured to the cigarette and started making flicking motions with his other hand. Phoebe was fighting panic. He didn't seem dangerous or seem like he wanted to harm her, but still. Skeleton in her room.

"S-s-moking is bad for skeletons, you know," she stammered out, looking wildly around the room. She wasn't sure where Cole was, but she thought he might have been in class or else she would have started yelling for him. "I-it can turn your lovely white bones all yellow or catch you and fire and burn them to nothing but black ash."

The skeleton stopped and put a bony hand under his chin like he was thinking about that.

Looking around, she spied the two frilly pink hats that she and Cole had worn at the tea party a few weeks ago. She went to grab one and the skeleton followed her. She turned back, yelping again in surprise when she saw how close he was to her and how far in the attic he had come.

Normally, she wouldn't be scared of a skeleton since he hadn't done anything to make her frightened. However, considering how she had spent her Thursday and Friday, she was still a bit skittish and easily frightened. She placed the bonnet on the skeleton's head and tied the frilly bow beneath its chin.

It was amazing how creepy a skull can look when it's preening.

He once again looked at her and flicked his hand.

"I-I don't smoke," she said apologetically.

The skeleton shrugged and then reached out and hugged her. Phoebe bit back a cry and hugged the skeleton back. She assumed he was thanking her for the hat. He let her go and with a wave walked back out into the hall. Once she was sure he wasn't coming back, Phoebe shut the door and bolted it, before retreating to the couch again.

Only in Fandom...

When Phoebe woke up, she was a little bit disoriented and in no hurry to get out of bed. She turned her head and saw that Cole was sleeping next to her where he was supposed to be and the breath she had been holding was let out. It wasn't a dream. He really was out and here.

She slipped out of bed to make a few phone calls.

After she finished with her calls, she decided that everything else could wait as she got back into bed and curled up close to Cole.

He was home.

Phoebe sat in the bed, under the blankets, with her knees pulled up to her chin. There were shadows creeping across the floor as the sun started to rise, but she barely noticed them.

Phoebe sighed and bit her lip.

They had wrongfully arrested Cole on Thursday... and it was now Monday morning. They still hadn't copped to their mistake and released him. She didn't know how much more of this caged heat bullshit he could take --- and she was failing him because she had yet to find anything to help him out of this mess.

At least she and Piper had made up and they were working together on this. She never felt right when she and Piper weren't speaking to each other or mad. It hurt way too much to be measured and it always left her feeling sick inside. Thankfully, it hadn't lasted very long this time. She didn't know what she was going to do next year when Piper was at college back in California.

She sighed again. Weekend roundup?

Love of her life got arrested for a crime he didn't commit. Sister cast a spell to keep him there. Someone she had come to believe was like the fifth Halliwell sister had turned on her because she wouldn't help prove that Cole was innocent of the charges. That still cut deep and made her so angry. Was offered Camulus' apartment to hide out in if she needed it. Spent as much time as she had been able to down at the station with Cole. Had a castle built for her by a horde of wee tiny hugging bunnies. She and sister made up and started doing research. Piper was staying with her in the South Attic so that she wasn't alone right now.

The weekend had been hell, and now it was Monday. She wasn't sleeping, and was sometimes remembering to eat. She really didn't want to go to classes today. She was glad that Piper was sleeping in the next room, though. She realy hated spending nights alone. She had gotten so used to Cole sharing the Attic with her that it felt so cold and empty right now... and it scared her to feel so alone.

When she found out who was responsible for all of this, she was going to kill them herself.

After her Poetry class and her late night Independent Study for Western Literature, and after making sure the newspaper was put to bed for the night, Phoebe returned to the South Attic. She bypassed her computer and the TV and went right into the bedroom. Dropping her bag and kicking off her shoes, she climbed into bed and curled up in a ball, holding Cole's pillow.

No matter how much she had tried to put it from her mind, the events of Sunday evening kept replaying in her head. meeting MAN in the sewers and finding out he had been created from them by someone had come as a shock. the hatred coming off of the Tall Scary Nazi Man had been like a physical pain to her. She had never felt so much hatred before. While the others had been fighting the angry man, she had been conversing with MAN and had found out that there was someone called the fat man who would destroy everything to have war. His fear had hit her so hard and left her shaken. Again, that much fear coming from anyone was a new experience for her. Then Cole had gotten hurt and she had left MAN's side to go to him. She didn't have offensive powers, but with everything CJ had been teaching her, she wasn't about to go down without giving her best effort at a fight.

Then... the nightmare happened.

Tall Angry Nazi killed MAN and not just in any fashion. He had snapped his neck... and Phoebe had heard the sound so clearly... she had frozen, not able to move for a few moments as she watched it happen.

She shuddered, burying her face in the pillow so if Cole came into the outer rooms he wouldn't hear her crying.

She had managed to keep everything buried and locked down for the last two days, but for some reason, she had been thinking about Sunday and what had happened a lot tonight. Of course, it could be because the Phoebe Speaks column she had finished writing tonight for tomorrow's edition had brought everything to the forefront.

MAN (for what else could she call him? Monster didn't fit him and Creature was so cold and empty) had done nothing to deserve what had been done to him. He had been created from her, and Bel, and Pippi, and so many other people... and then because he wouldn't kill --- because he had tried to help protect them, in fact --- his creators had killed him.

It hurt, the waste of a life.

She needed to get some control over the empathy, or at least learn how to build some sort of shielding for times like that... times when the emotions were so strong around her that they caused physical pain.

Bridge.

Bridge had told her before that he would help her. She would go see him later in the week.

Phoebe nodded into the pillow as the tears came faster.

If it wasn't so close to the end of the term, she'd get a weekend pass to go home for the weekend. Hell, she might do that anyway. She needed Grams right now. Too much had happened in the last few weeks and she desperately needed Grams' familiar and comforting presence. She needed the normalcy that San Francisco represented. She'd decide later if she could make a trip or not.

Right now?

She felt the kittens curl up on either side of her as they offered her their comfort and waited for Cole to come home.

Phoebe was reclining on the couch the couch and watching a rerun of "Enchanted" and cursing at the TV.

"Phaedra! You are such a stupid little bitch! Calvin gave up so much for you... he had no choice over what happened and you're treating him like a hell!" She shook her head angrily. "Dumb writers, ruining my favourite show... I wonder if I could vanquish them?"