Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

After her Poetry class and her late night Independent Study for Western Literature, and after making sure the newspaper was put to bed for the night, Phoebe returned to the South Attic. She bypassed her computer and the TV and went right into the bedroom. Dropping her bag and kicking off her shoes, she climbed into bed and curled up in a ball, holding Cole's pillow.

No matter how much she had tried to put it from her mind, the events of Sunday evening kept replaying in her head. meeting MAN in the sewers and finding out he had been created from them by someone had come as a shock. the hatred coming off of the Tall Scary Nazi Man had been like a physical pain to her. She had never felt so much hatred before. While the others had been fighting the angry man, she had been conversing with MAN and had found out that there was someone called the fat man who would destroy everything to have war. His fear had hit her so hard and left her shaken. Again, that much fear coming from anyone was a new experience for her. Then Cole had gotten hurt and she had left MAN's side to go to him. She didn't have offensive powers, but with everything CJ had been teaching her, she wasn't about to go down without giving her best effort at a fight.

Then... the nightmare happened.

Tall Angry Nazi killed MAN and not just in any fashion. He had snapped his neck... and Phoebe had heard the sound so clearly... she had frozen, not able to move for a few moments as she watched it happen.

She shuddered, burying her face in the pillow so if Cole came into the outer rooms he wouldn't hear her crying.

She had managed to keep everything buried and locked down for the last two days, but for some reason, she had been thinking about Sunday and what had happened a lot tonight. Of course, it could be because the Phoebe Speaks column she had finished writing tonight for tomorrow's edition had brought everything to the forefront.

MAN (for what else could she call him? Monster didn't fit him and Creature was so cold and empty) had done nothing to deserve what had been done to him. He had been created from her, and Bel, and Pippi, and so many other people... and then because he wouldn't kill --- because he had tried to help protect them, in fact --- his creators had killed him.

It hurt, the waste of a life.

She needed to get some control over the empathy, or at least learn how to build some sort of shielding for times like that... times when the emotions were so strong around her that they caused physical pain.

Bridge.

Bridge had told her before that he would help her. She would go see him later in the week.

Phoebe nodded into the pillow as the tears came faster.

If it wasn't so close to the end of the term, she'd get a weekend pass to go home for the weekend. Hell, she might do that anyway. She needed Grams right now. Too much had happened in the last few weeks and she desperately needed Grams' familiar and comforting presence. She needed the normalcy that San Francisco represented. She'd decide later if she could make a trip or not.

Right now?

She felt the kittens curl up on either side of her as they offered her their comfort and waited for Cole to come home.