Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

After Paige orbed her to the Arms and then left, Phoebe decided two things. One, she was never leaving the hotel again. Two, there were way to many dopplegangers here in Fandom.

She changed into something more comfortable and then stepped out onto the balcony. She gripped the railing as she sighed and tried to think things through.

The entire school was convinced she was back together with Cole. They weren't. There were a lot of things that they needed to talk about, but she hadn't jumped right back into things with him.

It bothered her that people thought that little of her and her her promises of certain things. Cole wanted to do something that would get people killed and everyone believed she was okay with that.

She needed to talk to Crowley and get his advice about a few things... and let him know that she might have found the Cole lookalike who had been in her room a couple of weeks ago.

She went back inside and curled up on the couch.

She had been doing so well, feeling stronger, and the last few days had made her feel alone again.



[[Locked to crawley_demon]]

((Takes place after this))


Phoebe and Lana had hung out and talked for hours and then started yawning. Phoebe had gotten Lana settled into her bed in the bedroom and then had come out and sat on the couch in front of the fireplace for awhile. She wrote some on her assignments for the newspaper and also wrote more on her stuff for Poetry class. The poems weren't coming easy to her, but after this week, she could kind of understand why. She just hoped Geoff would be as understanding when she talked to him on Tuesday.

She sighed and stared into the flames. At least this weekend was starting out better than the last one had.

There was no more of the crushing loss that she had been feeling last week. Crowley had seen to that. Cole had hurt her and hurt her deeply. His assumptions that she had ran from him and immediately started screwing Crowley had hurt her...and it had pissed her off. Okay, so she couldn't remember what exactly had happened between her and Crowley Saturday night. An entire bottle of expensive tequila will do that to you. However, instead of letting her believe that she had immediately fallen into his bed in a drunken stupor, Crowley had told her that nothing had happened --- and she believed him.

The fact that Cole had been so quick to judge her after what he had done, well that had been more than a little aggravating...and she had been so close to believing him when he said that he hadn't come to her room Saturday night.

Today in class had been a nightmare. Even the first time Cole had hurt her, they had never gone after each other like they did this morning. It didn't make sense. She had kept her word to Aziraphale and called Cole to apologize for her bitchiness and cruelty in class.

Phoebe shook her head and stood up, stretching. She finished cleaning up in the outer room and then she stood and stared at Crowley's door for a long time.

At least with Crowley, she knew he was evil and... well, he was Crowley...whom she cared a great deal for.

Finally, she shrugged and opened his door, slipping into the room. She got up onto his bed, and just like on Monday, she curled up in the middle of it, breathing in the traces of him in the air that she could feel. She didn't know when he would return, but she doubted he'd be upset with her for napping in here. She'd leave when he woke her.


[[OOC::: Locked to crawley_demon]]

After leaving Wilson in the park Phoebe had made her way to the hotel and then up to her suite. She was torn between fury and disbelief over what Wilson's revelation about Crowley had made her think.

He wouldn't...and if he did I will damn well kill him myself...

Phoebe changed out of her school clothes and into leggings and a long tunic sweater. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail to get it out of her face. She took Crowley's necklace off and put it on top of the TV. If she had to kick his ass, she didn't want the pretty necklace damaged.

It had been a long time since Phoebe had felt such anger and rage inside her. It was a welcome feeling. It beat despair any day.

If he was the one who was here Saturday night and not Cole...oooh, he had pissed off the wrong witch.

"I may not have powers like Piper's, but I will give him hell," she muttered as she paced the room.



[[OOC: Locked to crawley_demon]]

After classes, Phoebe dragged herself to town to the hotel. She was worn out and emotionally drained. She managed to get to her room and she kicked the door shut behind her, but there was a good chance it didn't shut and lock.

She dropped her books and bag on the table and took out her laptop and as it powered up, she got a very quick shower, hoping to ease the ache in her neck. Once out of the shower, she changed inbto something comfortable and settled against the pillows on the bed with her laptop.

She was writing a new story about a girl who was having an affair with a dream demon, only didn't know about it because she thought everything that was happening between them was only happening in her dreams.

Phoebe stared at the screen for a very long time. She wanted this next part to be the pr0n sexy lust-inducing attention-holding and she was stuck as to how to do so.

She was still trying to figure out what to write next when she fell asleep.



[[OOC: Open only to Belthazor or Crowley as they would be the only ones able to get to her.]]

After a restless night at the Arms Hotel in town, Phoebe was sitting in one of the chairs by the window in her suite. Her legs were pulled up where she could rest her chin on them. She was pretty much curled into a ball, watching the sun rise as tears slipped down her cheeks.

Cole...

She had broken up with the only man she had ever loved...her soulmate.

Even now she could feel his anguish mixing with hers and she wanted to go to him and comfort him so much.

But she didn't dare...she couldn't.

He had hurt her, and it was a deep soulpain that she was feeling.

Finding out that he had slept with Piper had been bad enough, in fact it had rocked her in a way she had never been affected before. She had told Piper that she wasn't mad at her, and she wasn't. However, she felt deeply betrayed by her older sister for keeping such a thing from her. She should have been told...no matter what the risk of hurt.

The fact that he had threatened to kill Veronica --- one of her best friends --- after promising her that he would leave her alone, well that had been the straw that broke the witch's back.

He had promised her that he would leave her alone. He knew how much that promise meant to her, and he broke it. He broke the one promise she had made him give her, and for what?!

Because Veronica threatened to tell her that he had slept with Piper months ago.

As she watched the sun rise, Phoebe re-played all of the events of yesterday. She had been in such a good mood and planning a surprise for Piper. She and Cole had...she choked on a sob...she and Cole and cuddled close together as they worked on their Sociology notes together.

Then, Logan Echolls came into the lounge and in split seconds, her world had changed.

Phoebe was shaking again as she tried to maintain control. She was grateful to Crowley for letting her stay here, but she didn't know if he had let her stay for the night or if she could stay for longer. She would need to talk to him. She would like to stay a few more days if he would let her. She needed to put herself back together before she could stay in the dorms.

Cole...Cole couldn't protect her right now...and he may never want to again --- although she knows he probably would never hurt her or allow it to happen. He promised that he would always protect her...but did that change now that they were parted?

She stared at the ring on her finger and her chest burned like she was being cut open.

She buried her face in her knees.

This week had become something so horrible that all she wanted to do was hide in this hotel for the rest of her life. She had never been one to hide...and the last time her heart had been destroyed broken, she had gotten her boss to send her on a recon assignment that could have gotten her killed.

But she wasn't that girl any longer. She was stronger and she didn't run from her own pain. She forced herself to function through it and help others with their pain. She knew she couldn't hide it, but she could pretend to function.

Phoebe got up from the chair and started getting ready for school.

Three classes. She could get through three classes.

Maybe.