Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

After she finally left Caritas, Phoebe hadn't wanted to go back to the dorms. The idea that Cole may not come back to their rooms tonight was something that she really was not ready to face.

So, in a brilliant design of Dealing Through Avoidance, Phoebe found herself in the one place that she was always drawn to when she was upset or needed to think.

Selkie Cove.

Instead of climbing up on the rocks, she sat down on the sand near the water. She pulled her knees up to rest her chin on them and stared out over the water. She listened to the waves and watched the stars reflect on the ocean.

Ellen was right. She had screwed up but good. Not only would she not be surprised if Cole never talked to her again... she would deserve it if he wanted nothing to do with her after this. When she had agreed to find someone to cast the spell, it had never entered her thoughts that she was messing with Cole's mind --- or that what she was doing was no better than what others had done to him in the Underworld.

She felt guilty and very sick to her stomach. The look on his face when she had told him what she had done... and the emotions she had picked up from him...

It made no difference that she hadn't been the one to actually cast the spell. She had helped to set it up and she had betrayed him in the worst way possible.

And this time... she didn't even have the excuse that she had been possessed to fall back on.



{{OOC: Very much open.}}

Phoebe woke up much, much too early for a Friday morning. Of course, having dreams and nightmares hadn't helped the sleeping situation. There were just too many thoughts and worries in her head after the events of the last few weeks.

Once again, she was sleeping in the middle of Anders and Cole. She smiled when she saw how possessively Cole was draping his arm over the two of them in his sleep. She liked seeing him so relaxed about all of this and she was glad that he realized that she was okay with this and his feelings for Anders.

But...

She had her own worries and issues to deal with right now that had nothing to do with the feelings the boys had for each other. And there was no way she could stay in bed right now. She couldn't sleep and she didn't want to wake either one of them.

The good thing about being petite and being a cheerleader? She was very flexible and could contort herself in ways that allowed her to wiggle out from the bed without waking the boys.

She got dressed into some comfy and warm pajamas and left the bedroom. She made some tea and went to sit in her favourite brooding spot in their rooms.

Her comfy chair by the window.

She sat down to try to deal with her thoughts and worries and Valkyrie and Seraphim decided to keep her company by curling in her lap and talking to her.



[[OOC: For demonbelthazor]]

It had been a very emotional and nerve-wracking day.

First, there had been lunch with Grams and Prue and some parts of their conversation had been difficult. She had come clean about a few things --- though she did wonder who had told Grams about the mermaid incident --- and had kept others hidden. Which reminded her, she needed to call Blair and thank him for covering for her but that she didn't want him to have to lie for her. Breakfast tomorrow wasn't neccessary unless he wanted to come along for moral support.

Then, she had taken Grams to meet Mr. Winchester and let her see what kind of Hunting class she was really taking. That meeting seemed to have gone very well and Mr. Winchester had answered all of Grams' questions --- including why he was teaching the class.

Of course, the emotional roller coaster had gone into full power when she had met with the father she hadn't seen since she was a baby in his hotel room at The Arms. That had been emotional and confusing. He wanted to be a part of her life now, and she had asked him for some time to think.

After that, she had met with Prue in the park, where she had come clean with her eldest sister about certain things. Wasn't that fun.

Now, she let herself into her rooms. She was tired and emotional --- and she missed Cole. She hadn't seen him in a couple of days and she needed to. His phone message last night had worried her and right now, she needed to know that he was okay. She dropped down onto the couch and let out a sigh.

She could get through this weekend. She really could.

Maybe.


[[OOC: For the boyfriend.]]

Phoebe had spent the night with Lana, deciding that she should give Cole his space after what had happened yesterday. She had told both Lana and Blair that she had slapped him, and both of them seemed incredibly worried that she had lost her temper enough to slap Cole of all people. She had also told James, and he suggested that she not let this sit between her and Cole for too long or things would only get worse.

She wasn't even sure he'd want to talk to her or even if she should try right now. She had done her best to be invisible during Aziraphale's lab this morning and had instead focused on the project she and Nadia were going to be working on.

However, after Constant Vigilance, she found herself in their suite packing for her trip home for the weekend...there was some moping and some tears in there, too. She must have set the record for non-participation in a class as she just could not bring herself to take part in dating techniques when things were so bad in her personal life.

Everytime she heard a sound in the hall, she looked up to see if he was opening the door, but it was never him.

She stood in the middle of the bedroom, staring down at where her bag was. She really should pack. Really. She also needed to call Paige since it looked like she would need a lift from her sister after all.

Was she really going to have to leave for the weekend without speaking to him?

Phoebe hadn't been able to sleep.

She kept seeing those frogs in Willow's bed, and kept replaying her premonition through her mind, as well. Instead of sleeping, she had spent as great deal of time hanging out on the roof. It was peaceful up there and she wasn't worried about accidentally touching anything to trigger a premonition.

That was the last thing she needed right now.

She stayed up on the roof until she started watching the sun come up. Standing up and stretching, she decided to go back down to the room so Cole wouldn't be too worried about where she had disappeared to.

She let herself into their suite and went to pour a cup of coffee from the automatic coffee maker on the counter. She fixed it and took a sip, allowing herself the first smile she had smiled since the day before. A little more relaxed, she made her way into the bedroom to snuggle with her boyfriend.

At first, Phoebe stood in the doorway in shock, her brain not really registering what she was seeing.

Cole was in bed -- their bed -- with Blair and there were things all over the room. And was that... FACEPAINT all over Blair and Cole?

The coffee cup slipped from her hand to shatter on the floor as she leaned against the doorframe in shock.

After seeing Nadia off, Phoebe had taken her time getting back to the cabins. She completely avoided Squirrel cabin because she knew they had to be hurting and not hearing Nadia's laughter coming from there would just make it worse.

She had managed not to let any tears fall on her walk back, but as soon as she stepped into Koala cabin, she felt the tears slipping down her face.

Suddenly feeling very weak and tired, Phoebe curled up on the beds she and Cole shared and buried her face in the pillows so that the rest of her cabin mates wouldn't hear her crying.

It was very lonely right now.

Phoebe slipped quietly out of bed so as not to waken Cole and went out into their living room. She sat on the couch and leaned her head back against it with a sigh. Cole was sleeping soundly and she was very happy about that. No nightmares or thrashing meant that they really had succeeded in killing the demon and the ghosts were gone.

She hadn't been completely sure that the entire thing was over -- even though she had stood by her sister when Piper finished the ritual and the demon was killed by their potion. She hadn't been completely sure that there were no more ghosts until she had spent the last couple of nights holding her boyfriend and seeing that he was finally resting without torments.

Thus, she had snuck out here early this morning. Cole needed sleep and she didn't want to bother him.

Okay, that wasn't entirely true.

She was still shaken by the things she had felt last week and what Lysistratas had done. Until this, she hadn't known there were demons like that out in the world.

It was an emotional wake-up call and she wondered if there were others like him out there?

This might mean she should step up her training and her studying of the book and other things in the library.

Phoebe had had a long night and a day that seemed even longer.

After a restless night where she did way too much thinking, Phoebe had forced herself to go to Camulus' Celtic Studies class and act as the teacher. It had been hard as the classroom reminded her too much of the two people that were not there.

After class, since she didn't have any others classes on Wednesdays now that Grissom was gone, she had gone to see Lana at Aereopagitica and filled her best friend in on what had happened the night before. After a lot of tears and a lot of worry, she went to pummel things in the gym and answered a few questions from Marty who was concerned about both Piper and Cole. After pummeling things for a little while longer, she left a message for Piper and then she left a message for Cole having decided that she had given them both enough space for one day.

Afterwards, she went back to the South Attic and set up the free-standing punching bag she had retrieved from her suite at the Arms. She proceeded to lose herself in punching and kicking at the bag. It wasn't as satisfying as sparring with CJ, but it would do for now.

The nightmare woke Phoebe up as light was creeping above the horizon. Cole was still sleeping, so in an effort not to wake him up, she kissed him softly and then slipped from the bed. She put a robe on over what she was wearing, and after closing their bedroom door so he wouldn't be disturbed, she went to put on a pot of coffee. She also made tea as right now she needed something soothing --- which coffee definitely wasn't.

After the tea was brewed, she pulled her favourite chair, a soft chaise-type thing that Cole had found for her, over to the window and sat with her legs tucked under her as she sipped her tea and watched the sun rise.

The nightmares were back again. This time they were mixing up the demon attack with the kidnapping and tangling everything up. It really wasn't something that she was enjoying too much. Of course, it was also something she hadn't brought to Cole or Piper's attention yet. She was sure Cole probably was aware something was going on, though.

She took a sip from her tea and then sighed softly. She still hadn't really processed everything that had happened in the last two weeks, but she really needed to. She also had a list of things she needed to do.

"Thank You" Party. She wanted to throw a thank you party for everyone who had helped Cole and her sisters find her and come to rescue her. It meant a lot to her and she was appreciative. She wanted to do something for them and the idea of a party had come up as the mun for Jack at Jack's Roses would kill her so very dead if she decided to send flowers to everyone involved. She would find out who all was involved and perhaps she could get Lana and Kiki to help them plan it.

The Prom. Cole hadn't said anything, but she assumed they would be going. That meant she would have to go dress shopping and find something perfect to wear. She wanted to look especially good that night. It would be the first big school function where they were together. Homecoming she had gone by herself and dealt with Jayne, then Cole had shimmered her away so they could talk... and kiss. After that was when they had officially gotten together. The Valentine's Ball... well, that had been painful as they had broken up and were needing each other badly. But Prom. Prom was important. Prom was them being together. Of course, Cole was a guy and it may not be as important to him. She'd have to talk to him about it.

Piper. She needed to check on her sister and see if she was okay... and if she had heard from Paige. She hadn't been able to find her and all she knew was that she had gotten hurt in the rescue attempt.

Veronica. She was no longer furious with Veronica, but she needed to talk to her. She missed her friend, but she also had some things that she needed to say and ask.

Phoebe leaned her head back against the chair and watched the sun come up.

If she could convince herself to leave her room more than twice today, it would be a good day.

Idly, she wondered if she'd see the skeleton again.


[[Currently for demonbelthazor]]

After her classes, Phoebe had returned to her dorm and sat at her computer. In theory she was working on her Poetry assignment. In reality? She was dealing with the fact that ANOTHER teacher she respected and cared about was leaving them.

That brought the total count up to how many now... four?



[[Locked to someone who knows who she is]]