There's A Ringing In My Ears -- South Attic, Thursday Night

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe was making much with the pummeling of the free-standing punching bag she had been attacking yesterday. Of course, she would probably be doing better at her work out if she wasn't in tears.

Kiki was leaving.

She punched the bag again, hoping that it would make her feel better. It didn't.

In the last four days, the following had happened:

1) Camulus had disappeared, leaving only cryptic notes for her and for Orlin.
2) Piper had been turned into a Fury.
3) Cole had been mind-flayed or whatever by a Fury.
4) Cole had disappeared for awhile.
5) Kiki had told her her parents were pulling her from school and bringing her home.
6) Cole had told her he didn't deserve her or her love.
7) She had lost the notes for the study guide for Arthurian traditions.

All in all? It had been a bad week and one that made her want to just go away and hide for awhile.

Comments

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana knocked on the door. "Phoebe?"

[sensethevisions]

"It's open!" Phoebe called as she continued pummeling the bag. Too bad she kept getting hit in the face because she wasn't paying enough attention to what she was doing.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana walked in and assessed the situation for a moment, then walked over and steadied the bag for her. "Better?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe dropped her hands and shook her head at Lana.

"Thanks... but I can barely see the bag and I'd feel awful if I accidentally hit you."

She blew her hair back and wiped her eyes.

"Please... please don't tell me you're leaving, too?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana shook her head. "Not unless Shep comes back and offers to take me away from all this. And since my security clearance is non-existant..."

She shrugged. "Guess you're stuck with me."

[sensethevisions]

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Phoebe smiled faintly.

She gestured to the couch. "Want something to drink?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Tequila?" Lana suggested with a smile. "Though I'd probably better stick with water or something."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe liked the first suggestion better and grabbed the bottle and two shot glasses.

"You can always crash here in the spare room," Phoebe said as she poured two shots.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"You realize that if you get me drunk I'm going to get all maudlin and cry all over you about Shep, right? I'm just warning you upfront."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe lifted her glass.

"Then we can be maudlin together."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Bottoms up, then," said Lana and drank the shot.

She went into a bit of a coughing spasm and when she could finally catch her breath said, "Okay, so sipping. Sipping works much better for me."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe downed her shot and gasped.

"God. I forgot how much that hurt."

It was true. She hadn't had tequila since the night she had tried to fly.

"Sipping is a good idea."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana, sipping this time could feel the tequila going straight to her head. Well, that's what drinking on an empty stomach will do to you. Not to mention the almost 15 pounds she'd lost since Shep left. Weight she really couldn't afford to lose.

"Phoebe, can you cast a spell to let Bel feel what I feel?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe forgot to swallow the tequila and instead tried to breathe it in. After she finished choking, she gazed at her friend.

"I don't know if that's possible, but I might be able to try it. Why?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"We were talking today and we somehow got onto this thing about if he could only feel the certainty and faith I had in him, maybe it would help him feel better about..." Lana waved her hand aimlessly, "... things..."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe poured them both another drink.

"I... I don't know if I could do that, Lana," Phoebe said softly, looking into her glass. "I wish I could. After what he said last night... I would do almost anything to ghet him to feel what we feel."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana sighed. "Maybe Piper could help? I just... he's in so much pain it hurts me too."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "I'll talk to Piper. It's killing me to feel him and see him like this." Her eyes filled wth tears. "After our conversation last night..."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Conversation? What happened? Doesn't seem like it went well."

[sensethevisions]

"I fell asleep on the couch last night and he must have picked me up and carried me to our bed. When I woke up, he was sitting in a chair next to the bed. He said..." She swallowed. "He said he didn't deserve my love or my trust." She downed the shot. After she was done coughing, she shuddered and looked at Lana. "He said that nothing he does will ever make up for the evil he's done and that he should die."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana sighed. "No dying. No dying, no leaving, no anything. I'm tired of it all. Just... no. I won't allow it."

[sensethevisions]

"You and me both," she said softly. "I told him that his death wouldn't solve anything... only his life would."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"That's what I said!" Lana exclaimed, spilling tequila as she waved her glass at Phoebe. "Well, not exactly that, but the whole, his being good helped people and then they helped people and they helped people and... well, I think you know what I mean."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "I know exactly what you mean!"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana sighed. "That's why I think we should do a spell so he can really *feel* how much faith we have in him, how much he's done for us. Even if he can't shimmer me a couple gazillion light years away. That's not his fault."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "I agree with you and if I can find a way to do it, I will, but you'll have to make sure you help me."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Well, of course," Lana replies. "It was my idea, wasn't it?"

She took another drink of the tequila. "I miss Shep."

Another drink. "I want him to come back."

And another. "Or me to go where he is."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded and took another drink as well.

"If I could figure out a spell to bring the two of you together somewhere in the middle, you know I'd do it in an instant."

She took another drink. "I miss Cole. I know that's stupid because he's still at the school, just..." She couldn't explain it, so she took another drink.

"Oh hey, Keeks wants the three of us to go to Caritas Monday night."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Somewhere in the middle..." Lana giggles, thinking of them both suddenly appearing out in the vacuum of space halfway between there and here. "Maybe not such a good idea, but I acree, appee... um, thank you for the thought."

"I know. Poor Cole. Bel. I don't ever know what to call him anymore." Lana sighed herself.

"And Kiki," she said glumly. "Probably leaving for good. Yeah, we should all go to Caritas."

[sensethevisions]

"I'm sure I could do better than poof you're in space. However, I think I'd rather bring him back here so I don't lose you as well." She nodded and took another drink from her glass.

"I haven't called him Bel since I've known him. He's never been the demon to me. Only the guy who was my friend and then my soulmate and the man I love."

Phoebe sighed.

"She said we could come visit whenever we wanted to and she promised she'd write often and that we'd see each other again, soon."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana put her glass down and rested her head on her knees, curling up like a ball. "Everybody leaves. Don't like it."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe moved where she could put her arms around Lana. "I don't either. But I promised... never go without you."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"You will, though," Lana said. "Won't want to maybe, but you will. Bel will go or your sisters will need you. And you won't have a choice. I'll understand."

[sensethevisions]

"No. Made a promise. I'd bring you." Phoebe slapped her palm on the ground. "Ow."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana looked at her sadly. Don't make promises you can't keep. I've got a feeling about this one, Phoebe."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe frowned. "But I'd never hurt you like that Lana," she insisted. "Best friend forever... like a twin or sumthin."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I know you wouldn't," Lana said, "And we're totally... something, yeah. But..."

She shook her head. "I just know you're going to go."

[sensethevisions]

"Maybe you're a witch, too?" Phoebe said hopefully. Then she frowned again. "I wouldn't hurt you and make you hate me."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Bel says maybe I'm a future whitelighter. Like someday when I die I won't just be dead I'll be like helping people. Or something." Lana looked puzzled for a minute. "I don't really understand that part. But anyway, I told him I'm not really that good, people just think I am."

She made a face at Phoebe. "I wouldn't hate you! I could never hate you! Sheesh. Just 'cause you left. I don't hate anybody who's left me. You think I hate my parents? Or Han? Or Shep?"

She got gloomy again. "I really love Shep."

[sensethevisions]

"I know you love him, Lana," she said softly. "And I wish I could bring him back for you."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"CJ said he'd talked to her about me. That he loved me and if he was the marrying kind and we were older... You know." She sighed.

"I'm going to see him again sometime, Phoebe. I know I will."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "Of course you will. I know he loves you and you guys will meet again."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"You're a good friend, Phoebe. Even if you are letting me get drunk on tequila." Lana smiled goofily and waved her glass at Phoebe.