Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

After her Hunting Class, Phoebe had bolted from the class and back to their dorm room. Seeing Angel had sparked an idea with her and she needed to do some research before she lost her momentum.

Of course, right now, research seemed to be consisting of making worried notations in her notebook and fretting.

She pulled down the Book of Shadows and set it up on the table while she started paging through it.

There had to be something helpful in there.




[[OOC: For one visitor in particular]]

Phoebe was curled up on the couch in the main room with a blanket wrapped around her. She had taken a very long shower -- so long that the water had turned cold. She got dressed in something comfortable and sat on the couch, where she couldn't seem to get warm. She knew it wasn't a temperature type of cold -- it was an internal and emotional cold. The kittens were on the couch with her as well.

She had been silent for the most part, putting things together in her mind from the last few days. She was also watching Cole make a continuous stream of phone calls -- including one to River.

"How can I face them?" she finally whispered as he hung up the phone for the last time. "I must have hurt them all so badly."



[[OOC: For demonbelthazor and then to anyone who wants to say that they received a call from Bel.]]

Phoebe opened her eyes and decided it was way too early to be awake as it was barely light up through the curtained window. She closed her eyes and snuggled back up to Cole.

The last few days of introspection and moping had been both productive and counterproductive. She was no closer to understanding why their dad had abandoned them, but she was understanding a little bit more that Grams needed Paige back at the Manor so that she could teach her their history and their heritage...but she missed her younger sister. Piper leaving at the end of the summer meant that for the first time she was going to be alone without at least one of her sisters near her.

It was not a very pleasant thought to her.

Phoebe had had a long night and a day that seemed even longer.

After a restless night where she did way too much thinking, Phoebe had forced herself to go to Camulus' Celtic Studies class and act as the teacher. It had been hard as the classroom reminded her too much of the two people that were not there.

After class, since she didn't have any others classes on Wednesdays now that Grissom was gone, she had gone to see Lana at Aereopagitica and filled her best friend in on what had happened the night before. After a lot of tears and a lot of worry, she went to pummel things in the gym and answered a few questions from Marty who was concerned about both Piper and Cole. After pummeling things for a little while longer, she left a message for Piper and then she left a message for Cole having decided that she had given them both enough space for one day.

Afterwards, she went back to the South Attic and set up the free-standing punching bag she had retrieved from her suite at the Arms. She proceeded to lose herself in punching and kicking at the bag. It wasn't as satisfying as sparring with CJ, but it would do for now.

Phoebe sat in the bed, under the blankets, with her knees pulled up to her chin. There were shadows creeping across the floor as the sun started to rise, but she barely noticed them.

Phoebe sighed and bit her lip.

They had wrongfully arrested Cole on Thursday... and it was now Monday morning. They still hadn't copped to their mistake and released him. She didn't know how much more of this caged heat bullshit he could take --- and she was failing him because she had yet to find anything to help him out of this mess.

At least she and Piper had made up and they were working together on this. She never felt right when she and Piper weren't speaking to each other or mad. It hurt way too much to be measured and it always left her feeling sick inside. Thankfully, it hadn't lasted very long this time. She didn't know what she was going to do next year when Piper was at college back in California.

She sighed again. Weekend roundup?

Love of her life got arrested for a crime he didn't commit. Sister cast a spell to keep him there. Someone she had come to believe was like the fifth Halliwell sister had turned on her because she wouldn't help prove that Cole was innocent of the charges. That still cut deep and made her so angry. Was offered Camulus' apartment to hide out in if she needed it. Spent as much time as she had been able to down at the station with Cole. Had a castle built for her by a horde of wee tiny hugging bunnies. She and sister made up and started doing research. Piper was staying with her in the South Attic so that she wasn't alone right now.

The weekend had been hell, and now it was Monday. She wasn't sleeping, and was sometimes remembering to eat. She really didn't want to go to classes today. She was glad that Piper was sleeping in the next room, though. She realy hated spending nights alone. She had gotten so used to Cole sharing the Attic with her that it felt so cold and empty right now... and it scared her to feel so alone.

When she found out who was responsible for all of this, she was going to kill them herself.

Phoebe was exhausted.

She had had a long day of talking, of emo and then some working out.

She was too tired to walk back to the hotel right now, and being out alone when she was this tired was not a good plan.

So, she stumbled into the attic, and locked the door behind her.

She'd take a quick nap and then go back.

After classes, Phoebe dragged herself to town to the hotel. She was worn out and emotionally drained. She managed to get to her room and she kicked the door shut behind her, but there was a good chance it didn't shut and lock.

She dropped her books and bag on the table and took out her laptop and as it powered up, she got a very quick shower, hoping to ease the ache in her neck. Once out of the shower, she changed inbto something comfortable and settled against the pillows on the bed with her laptop.

She was writing a new story about a girl who was having an affair with a dream demon, only didn't know about it because she thought everything that was happening between them was only happening in her dreams.

Phoebe stared at the screen for a very long time. She wanted this next part to be the pr0n sexy lust-inducing attention-holding and she was stuck as to how to do so.

She was still trying to figure out what to write next when she fell asleep.



[[OOC: Open only to Belthazor or Crowley as they would be the only ones able to get to her.]]