South Attic --- After the Visit To Cole

[sensethevisions]

After the visit to Cole, Phoebe retreated to the attic and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon and the evening. She didn't plan on going anywhere for the rest of the day.

Sociology of Violence had been tough and she had bailed shortly at the beginning of it. The lecture plus having to see Veronica just had been too hard. She bailed and went to hang out with Lana at her work... and then they had gone to see Cole.

Everyone kept telling her she had to rest and had to eat and had to stay calm. She couldn't stay calm.

Her boyfriend was locked up for something he hadn't done and he was trapped... and away from her... away from everyone. It was tearing at him and it was damaging a lot of things.

Damaging his faith in the system... damaging every reason they had given him to be good.

How could she expect him to stay after all of this?

He had told her himself that he had lost faith in the system.

She really couldn't blame him.

Phoebe paced the the attic and as the sun went down, she stood in front of the window facing out with her arms wrapped around her waist.

Comments

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana comes up the stairs and knocks on the door. Again. She'd been up briefly when she was supposed to be at Soc of the Paranormal and knocked, but there hadn't been an answer even though she was pretty sure Phoebe had been there.

This time she wasn't going to go quietly away.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe doesn't turn around.

"It's open," she calls. Her voice is a little hoarse.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana comes in. "I've been worried sick about you. And I totally snapped at poor Jake in US History."

She goes over and stands beside Phoebe at the window, watching as the sun goes down. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I know this must be so hard for you." Her eyes unconsciously drift to the area of the sky where she knows Shep's stars will appear.

[sensethevisions]

"It's killing him Lana... it's killing him and it's eating away at everything we convinced him to believe in."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"He's strong, Phoebe, and now we have to be strong to - with him and for him. It's all going to be okay somehow. I just *know* it."

[sensethevisions]

"I'm so scared for him, Lana. He's going through all of this and I can't help him!" Tears started slipping down her cheeks. "He's going through all of this and what's he worried about? Me going to classes."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"And that's the best thing you can do for him. Take care of yourself as best you can, go to classes, give him one less thing to worry about. Do you think he wants you falling apart out here?"

Lana put her hand on Phoebe's shoulder. "You have to be strong. Even if you're feeling miserable you have to put on a good face for him. Be positive, sure it's all going to work out, give him hope. You can come back here and totally fall apart on me whenever you need to, but help him feel that it's all going to be okay."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe finally turned from the window now that is was dark.

"I can't handle classes right now because I can't concentrate. Soc of Violence today was focusing on prisons and prison systems. I couldn't stay because how could I? Cole is suffering from a horrible miscarriage of justice!" She shook her head. "And Veronica... she won't help! She knows he's innocent but she hates him so much."

Phoebe's knees went out from under her as the past few days finally crashed in on her. She hit the floor with her knees and then started shaking.

"He hasn't done anything wrong and they're doing this to him!" Phoebe started crying in earnest. "And I can't let it happen and it hurts that I'm not powerful enough to help him and I'm not strong enough to not be able to have him here with me."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana got down on the floor next to Phoebe and took her in her arms, rocking her. "Shhh... it will be okay, Phoebe, it will be okay."

[sensethevisions]

"You heard him," she sobbed. "He has lost faith in the entire justice system and how can he not? He's being railroaded. Those in power don't care and they won't let me touch him... and I can pick up everything he is feeing so strongly, no matter that he tries to hide it from me."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"And that same system will set him free when he's proven innocent. No one who's falsely accused is ever going to wholly trust the system again." Lana spoke as she felt, knowing that the words didn't really matter to Phoebe right now.

"He has you. And he has us. And we're not going to let him down. And I'm not going to let you go through this alone."

[sensethevisions]

"Everyone keeps telling me to be strong and take care of myself. They even say not to let it get to me... but how can I? I can't even find anything in the Book to help prove him innocent. Lots of thinks about killing demons and how to combat their powers... but nothing on how to help anyone falsely accused." She shook her head.

"It hurts so much Lana, and then I feel bad because you're here taking care of me and I'm supposed to take care of you right now because you need me and I'm falling apart on you."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"It's going to get to you. No way around that," Lana said. "And there's no magical way around this, I'm afraid. But there are legal ways around it and there are smarter people than me working on that, so..."

She smiled ruefully, "You don't have to take care of me, hon. I love you for wanting to, but the only thing that's going to help me is time. Or Shep coming back. And right now, helping you, is one of the best things I can do. I mean, hey, I actually ate something this morning because it was the only way I could get you to eat!"

[sensethevisions]

"It's too much," she said through tears. "I'm not strong enough to stay held together. I thought I was so damn strong and here I am falling apart."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"It's too much for anybody to stay strong. You have to pick your times. And then you go home and fall apart completely for a while."

Lana shrugged. "Then you pick yourself back up and do the whole thing over again. Doesn't mean you're not strong. It means you're human."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe hung her head. "I'm so scared, Lana. I'm just so scared and frustrated. I'm a witch, damn it. I'm one of the damned Charmed Ones, so why I can't find something to help the guy I love?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I know," Lana soothed. "It's got to be so frightening for you. I wish there was something I could do to help. But sometimes I think that's the way life works. We fix just about anything - except the stuff we most want to fix."

[sensethevisions]

"It sucks, Lana," she said softly.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana laughed. "Tell me about it! Life totally sucks.'

She wrinkled her nose up. "But there's good in it too. You just have to try to remember that."

[sensethevisions]

"I've been trying to, I promise."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I know you are," Lana said with a sad smile. "I'm trying, too."

[sensethevisions]

"I hate this."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, it's a miserable situation." Lana was quiet for a moment, just sitting with Pheobe.

"You know, you should really try to get some sleep. And have you eaten anything?"

[sensethevisions]

"No... it feels too sick when I eat."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana makes a face. "I understand that all too well. Food just doesn't appeal at all these days. Sleep? Want to try one of the sedatives the doctor gave me? Or maybe just go up on the roof and stare at the stars for a while?"

[sensethevisions]

"I can't sleep... I keep dreaming. The roof sounds like a good idea."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana gives her a rueful smile. "I'll show you where Shep is."