Tuesday Morning, 518/520

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe counted it as quite the success that she was able to attend all three of her classes yesterday without losing it completely and running away. Conflict Management had been especially tough as she couldn't stop looking over at the desk that Cole had usually occupied.

However, coming back to the room was still so very hard to handle.

Which was why she was sitting in the chair by the window. She had woken up on the couch after a night of drinking alone.

She had stumbled into the shower and stayed in until the water ran cold. Then, she had gotten dressed and come out here to make coffee and watch the sun come up.

Now?

Now she had a cup of tea she was pretending to drink and a book she was pretending to read.



[[Open]]

Comments

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair had seen Phoebe in class yesterday but didn't get a chance to talk to her. So he made a trip upstairs to see if he could find her in her room.

Knocking on the door, he balanced two mugs of cocoa that he had made up in the common room kitchen.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe put down the book she wasn't reading and went to the door. Opening it, she gave a faint smile.

"Hey, Blair. Come in."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Hi Phoebe." Blair said, giving her a smile and stepping inside. "I brought hot cocoa with extra marshmallows."

[sensethevisions]

"Yay, marshmallows," Phoebe said with a nod, offering him a seat on the couch. "How are you?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Alright, I guess." Blair said with a shrug, sitting down. "How are you doing?"

[sensethevisions]

"Trick question?" she asked softly as she sat down. "It's... hard..."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I can't even imagine." Blair said sadly. "Is there anything I can do?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe tyried to smile and then ended up blinking back tears. "Bring him back to me?" she asked softly.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair moved closer to give Phoebe a hug. "I'm so sorry, Phoebe. I wish I could, really."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe sniffled, trying not to cry as she hugged him. "It hurts, Blair."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I know, Phoebe." Blair said, hugging her tightly and rubbing her back. "I'm sure it's going to hurt less eventually."

He had no practical experience with this sort of thing, but it seemed correct. It couldn't this bad forever.

[sensethevisions]

"How... how much do you know?" she asked hesitantly.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Just what Parker told me." Blair said quietly. "That people went to the Underworld to deal with the Source and Bel didn't survive."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe let out a breath. "That's... yeah." She swallowed. "I wish we could have saved him, Blair..."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Me too." Blair said sadly.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe blinked back tears. "He... he wouldn't have wanted to stay alive if it meant The Source would be able to keep hurting people that Cole cared about."

And one day I will believe that.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair thought for a moment and nodded. "He would have wanted you safe, no matter what happened to him."

[sensethevisions]

A tear slipped down Phoebe's cheek. "I know," she whispered. "He would have done anything to make sure I was kept safe."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"So I'm sure he'd be happy knowing that you were safe now." Blair said. "That the Source couldn't hurt you anymore."

[sensethevisions]

"The Source didn't really harm me -- except for hurting so many people I cared about," Phoebe confessed with a slight flush. "He just managed to corrupt me and was working on turning me evil..."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"That counts as hurting you." Blair said firmly, thinking of his possession. "Just because you didn't end up black and blue doesn't mean you weren't hurt."

[sensethevisions]

Leave it to Blair to put into perspective for her.

"I guess it does," she agreed softly. "And then he took one of the most important things from me."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." Blair nodded and muttered under his breath. "Bastard."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe ran a hand over her face. "I miss him so much."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I do too." Blair said, looking down. "Do you... would it help if we had a memorial service for him?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe looked down for a long moment, not exactly sure she could make it through one of those and still be standing.

"Do you think the school would let us?"


[[OOC: Sorry, I fell asleep.]]

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I don't see a reason why they wouldn't." Blair said. "I think it might be good for people to have a chance to say goodbye."

[No problem!]

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "Blair... can you... I mean..." She sighed. "I don't know if I have the strength to organize..."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Not a problem." Blair nodded. "I can talk to people and see what needs to be done."

[sensethevisions]

"Thanks, Blair. I appreciate it."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"You're welcome." Blair smiled and moved to give Phoebe another hug. "Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you, okay?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe gave him a tired smile and hugged him back. "Thanks, Blair, I will. Promise."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders didn't have class until fifth period today, and he decided he'd spent enough time hiding out from the brainbreakiness of weetiny adults and teachers.

Besides, there were other people who could stand to not be alone right now.

Which was why he was knocking on Phoebe's door.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe came out of the kitchen area when she heard the knock on the door. When she opened the door to see Anders standing there, she smiled a little and gestured him in.

"Hey, Anders. How are you?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders shrugged and gave her a bit of a smile in return. "I feel like a bear waking up after winter, or something. I've been hiding out from the little kids."

He looked at her thoughtfully. "How are you doing?"

[sensethevisions]

"Holding up... kind of... for the most part?" She sighed. "I managed to make myself go to classes yesterday."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"That's good," Anders told her, realizing he'd forgotten to do that himself. Oh, brilliant, Samuel. Quit wallowing already, will you? "I kind of meant to check up on you sooner. Kind of holding up is good, though, right?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "Yes, it's good," she agreed. "How are you?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"About the same," Anders admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall. "Everything's a little hazy and kind of surreal."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah... it's kind of like I'm not really a part of the world right now."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Anders said quietly. "That's pretty much it. I know we can't stay this way forever, but right now it kind of seems easier."

[sensethevisions]

"Yeah, much easier." She nodded. "Nights... they're the hardest."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"I bet," Anders said. Impulsively, he went over to give her a hug. "Sleeping alone after you haven't been used to it in forever is awful. I know exactly how it is."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe hugged him back and nodded. "It's hard. I've been sleeping on the couch when I do sleep. Mostly? I have long conversations with the Tequila bottle."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"I hear that," Anders said sympathetically. "I keep crashing on Bridge's spare bed, and me and the ambrosia spend some quality time together."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe leaned her head against him. "What's Ambrosia?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Really good booze from back home," Anders explained. "Bright green, really strong. Got a couple bottles in my room still, I think."