Racing to find a place for my soul ... Or at least a place that's less familiar

After the visit to Cole, Phoebe retreated to the attic and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon and the evening. She didn't plan on going anywhere for the rest of the day.

Sociology of Violence had been tough and she had bailed shortly at the beginning of it. The lecture plus having to see Veronica just had been too hard. She bailed and went to hang out with Lana at her work... and then they had gone to see Cole.

Everyone kept telling her she had to rest and had to eat and had to stay calm. She couldn't stay calm.

Her boyfriend was locked up for something he hadn't done and he was trapped... and away from her... away from everyone. It was tearing at him and it was damaging a lot of things.

Damaging his faith in the system... damaging every reason they had given him to be good.

How could she expect him to stay after all of this?

He had told her himself that he had lost faith in the system.

She really couldn't blame him.

Phoebe paced the the attic and as the sun went down, she stood in front of the window facing out with her arms wrapped around her waist.

Phoebe was not emoing at the Arms, no really, she wasn't. She was in the Suite at The Arms.

She was stretched over the bed with a notebook writing porn stuff for the paper and for her poetry class. She's also listening to music from the Ghost of the Vaudeville soundtrack. She might be singing...but only the sadder songs.

She was lost in thought, thinking about all of the things she had told Aziraphale and Wilson today...and in the last few days. She didn't want them to leave, but she understood Aziraphale that he had to do what he must do. There were things she didn't understand, and things she couldn't get others to understand. But something she did understand...unlike so many others, James and Aziraphale would still care about her and be her family. They knew how to contact her and she knew how to contact them.

In the last few days, she had done a lot of thinking and a lot of talking and a lot of...well, yeah. There had been a lot of fighting...mostly between her and Cole.

She shook her head and dropped the pen on her notebook.

Her heart and her head were full of so many conflicting things. One moment, she knows exactly what Crowley is up to and she can keep reminding herself that he loves being evil and he's a demon. Then, when she sees that look on his face...she starts to doubt all of her doubts about him. She finds herself wanting to do almost anything to get that sad look off of his face and have him become the flash bastard she knew.

Damn heartstrings

What was wrong with her? He was a demon, hello, much the evil. Fallen from Grace, ex-angel all of that. Took great pleasure in corrupting those with Grace and causing their downfall.

And yet...

And yet, there was something incredibly vulnerable about him.

As the sun went down, Phoebe sighed restlessly, and made her way to the balcony. As it got completely dark, Phoebe flicked open the latch and stepped out onto the balcony. She hadn't been out on the balcony since Crowley had taken her off the railing on Saturday night. Swallowing her fear, she stepped forward and tested the railing's sturdiness by shaking it. Satisfied that it wasn't going to collapse under her, she leaned against it and watched the stars.

She was lost in thought so someone would have to talk to her or touch her to get her attention.

After classes, Phoebe dragged herself to town to the hotel. She was worn out and emotionally drained. She managed to get to her room and she kicked the door shut behind her, but there was a good chance it didn't shut and lock.

She dropped her books and bag on the table and took out her laptop and as it powered up, she got a very quick shower, hoping to ease the ache in her neck. Once out of the shower, she changed inbto something comfortable and settled against the pillows on the bed with her laptop.

She was writing a new story about a girl who was having an affair with a dream demon, only didn't know about it because she thought everything that was happening between them was only happening in her dreams.

Phoebe stared at the screen for a very long time. She wanted this next part to be the pr0n sexy lust-inducing attention-holding and she was stuck as to how to do so.

She was still trying to figure out what to write next when she fell asleep.



[[OOC: Open only to Belthazor or Crowley as they would be the only ones able to get to her.]]