Way Early Tuesday Morning; 518/520

[sensethevisions]

They had all been too tired to really talk much after Cole brought them back to the dorms from where they had tracked her down at Selkie Cove. So after getting in, they had pretty much collapsed in the aftermath of an emotionally intense day.

However, Phoebe couldn't sleep, and so, when she was almost positive the guys were sleeping, she had slipped from the bed and left the room.

She paced a little bit, and then she had curled up on the couch with her notebook for her workshop on Thursday.

However, she was spending more time staring down at the floor than reading.

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[sensethevisions]

Phoebe blushed again. She hadn't exactly thought about how she was going to bring this up.

"I'm not fragile or made of glass, Cole," she finally said. "You don't always have to be so careful when you touch me... or when you kiss me... or when we're in bed..." She turned even redder. "There was a time that when you felt like it, you would just grab me and kiss me." She touched his face. "It seems that ever since you... we... you came back... you're very careful with how you handle me."

[demonbelthazor]

Cole mentally flailed a little. "I don't want to hurt you," he said. "Even by accident. And I . . . I don't want you to see that side of me."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe cradled his face between her hands. "Cole... when I say I love you... I love all of you. Both sides." She gave him a sad look. "So... how come you don't mind Anders seeing all sides of you... but you are so very careful... and hold yourself back from me?"

[demonbelthazor]

"You make me want to be human," Cole said haltingly. "And hide the part of myself that's a demon. I want to possess, I want to control, and I have to force myself not to do that to you."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe was silent for a moment, and then she crawled over onto his lap and straddled him. She looked into his face.

"Sweetheart, do you think that I only love the part of you that is human? I love everything there is about you. It has never mattered to me if you were human or demon... just that you are you."

She pulled his face to her and kissed him deeply and then pulled back to look at him.

"Cole, I love how gentle you are and how you are always determined to be so loving and so careful with me." She looked into his eyes. "But love... sometimes... wildness and the other stuff can be really exciting, too." She was blushing bright red.

"Are..." she bit her lip. "Are you worried that I can't accept both sides? Have I made you feel that I only want to be around you if you are tightly in control of your every action and acting like some humans?"

[demonbelthazor]

"No," Cole said slowly. "But I worry about hurting you . . . or frightening you. The Source went after Anders because he was acting on my repressed desires to dominate and control. I was afraid to let you see that side of me."

[sensethevisions]

"I don't want you to be worried about scaring me, love. Keep in mind, I have seen you in some scary situations and in a demony form. I have never been afraid of you." Phoebe bit her lip. "Cole... when you hold parts of yourself back from me... it makes me feel... badly." She lay a hand against his face again. "It's like... I'm not important enough for you to be yourself."

She sighed.

"I get jealous," she mumbled.

[demonbelthazor]

Cole frowned. "I never meant you to feel like you weren't important enough," he said. "Never. I just didn't realize. . . ."

[sensethevisions]

"Oh sweetheart, I know that you didn't want me to feel that way! And I should have told you how I was feeling and what I was thinking." Phoebe hastened to reassure him. She blushed slightly. "It's just... when you and Anders have... and been wild and..." She was having a hard time finding the words. "I can feel it and..." She looked down at his lap. "I want stuff like that sometimes, too..." The couch was very fascinating.

[demonbelthazor]

"Okay," Cole said, mulling this bit of information over. "But . . . you have to tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, okay?" He wrapped his arms around her.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Of course I will, soulmate. I don't have problems making myself... heard." She smiled into his face.

[demonbelthazor]

"Not fair that you can almost read my mind," Cole grumbled good-naturedly, nuzzling her neck.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe squirmed a little. "You can usually almost read mine, too, soulmate," she softly. "You can feel me all of the time, right?"

[demonbelthazor]

"I can usually sense where you are," Cole said. "And if you're scared or hurt."

[sensethevisions]

"Or if I'm upset and sad," she reminded him. "You always seem to find me and know what I'm feeling. hells, you find me when my head is hurting or I'm drunk, too."

[demonbelthazor]

"That's because you're part of my soul," Cole said, tightening his arms around her.

[sensethevisions]

"Just like you are a part of mine, sweetheart."

[demonbelthazor]

"Always," Cole said fiercely. "I'm never gonna lose you."

[sensethevisions]

"Never," Phoebe promised him. "You won't lose me and I won't allow myself to be lost." She ran a hand through his hair. "I won't lose you, either. I did once... and I went to hell to bring you back. I'd do it again."

[demonbelthazor]

"And I'd do the same for you, Bright One," Cole promised, kissing her again.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe ran both of her hands through his hair as he kissed her.

"I love you."

[demonbelthazor]

"Love you, too," Cole said, holding her and never wanting to let go.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nuzzled him and tightened her arms around his neck.