Late Monday Night, 518/520

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe had cried for awhile after Cole had shimmered away from their room in anger. She hadn't heard any announcements and no one had come to get her, so she could only assume that Cole hadn't killed Anders. That was a good thing as far as she was concerned. Although, she didn't understand why people seemed to get more upset with Anders about what had happened. They had both been there. It wasn't as if he had been the only one that had done anything.

When Cole still didn't come back, Phoebe had settled into her favorite chair by the window. It was a little chilly, but right now she welcomed the slight cold. It permeated the numbness and reminded her that yes, all of this was really happening.

Should she have not told him? No, that would have been the wrong thing to do. She had helped to kill him, she couldn't lie to him, too.

Phoebe sighed, letting her head rest along the side of the chair as she felt tears fill her eyes again.

Had she gotten him back... only to lose him again because she had been dumb and blinded from her pain?

She looked down at her cellphone in her lap and pushed a button once more to make sure she had signal. It was working, but still no word from him.

Where was he?

Phoebe closed her eyes again.

Comments

[demonbelthazor]

Some time later, Cole shimmered back into the room and stood silently for a moment, watching Phoebe.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe felt him come back into the room and she lifted her head to turn from the window to look at him. She was silent, but her eyes were sad.

[demonbelthazor]

Cole moved to her side and crouched down in front of her chair, taking her hands in his.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe looked down at their hands and then looked into his face questioningly. She was biting her lip slightly.

[demonbelthazor]

Cole pulled her down against him, hugging her fiercely.

[sensethevisions]

She let out a sob as she hugged him tightly.

[demonbelthazor]

"I love you," Cole whispered over and over again.

[sensethevisions]

"I love you," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

[demonbelthazor]

He shook his head. "I deserved it. It's okay."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe pulled back to look at him. "Deserved... what... why? No, Cole, you didn't deserve that."

[demonbelthazor]

"After what I did to you . . . and did to him," Cole said quietly. "It's like poetic justice."

[sensethevisions]

That was something that she hadn't expected for him to say. "No, Cole... No." She shook her head. "It wasn't because I was trying to get back at you for anything..."

[demonbelthazor]

"I know," he said. "But you . . . needed comfort. I put you through hell. Literally."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe shook her head again, wanting to see if he could understand. "Cole... you didn't do anything. You didn't put me through hell. You didn't hurt me. The Source hurt me... hurt you." She swallowed. "That night... god, leading up to that night I hadn't left these rooms for more than a few minutes if I could help it. I was so empty and it felt like I was dying. When Anders and I started drinking... I guess I just wanted to feel like I was alive again." She choked back a sob. "When I woke up and realized what had happened... all I could think about was how I had betrayed you."

[demonbelthazor]

"I was dead," Cole said softly. "As far as you knew, I wasn't coming back. You didn't betray me." Okay, so maybe he did twitch a little thinking about what had happened between Phoebe and Anders.

[sensethevisions]

"There are times that I wish you could feel what I'm feeling like I feel you," she said quietly. "Yes, you were dead, but that didn't mean I was going to just move on. I love you, Cole and for those weeks before I heard you calling me, all I could think about was losing you and not ever seeing you again. I wanted to die, love." She felt him twitch and looked down.

[demonbelthazor]

"I'm sorry," Cole whispered, resting his head on her knee. "I wish I could make it all just go away."

[sensethevisions]

"No," she whispered. "There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Cole. You're back and that is all that matters to me now." She looked at him. "Can you... can you forgive me... us... for hurting you?"

[demonbelthazor]

"I forgive you," Cole said softly.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe pulled him back to her to hug him tightly.

[demonbelthazor]

"I don't ever want to lose you again," Cole whispered, tears coming to his eyes, as he held her close.

[sensethevisions]

"You'll never lose me again," Phoebe said softly, her own eyes spilling over. "I love you and I never want to lose you... or be lost."

[demonbelthazor]

"You're my soul," Cole said, kissing the top of her head. "You're my life. You made me a man."

[sensethevisions]

"You've always had my soul, love." Phoebe held onto him. "You have shown me so much and when you gave my heart a home, you made me feel whole."

[demonbelthazor]

Cole scooped her up into his arms. "How about we go to bed now, and start fresh in the morning?" he said.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe nodded, curling into him. "I would really like that," she said softly.

[demonbelthazor]

He carried her into the bedroom and set her gently on the bed, stretching out beside her, just happy to hold her close against him.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe moved to lay her head on his chest. "I am so glad you held on until I was able to get help to you."

[demonbelthazor]

"I almost didn't," Cole admitted softly. "I was ready to let go. I was ready for the Beast to devour me."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe raised her eyes up to him. "What made you decide to hold on after that?"

[demonbelthazor]

"I thought the Beast had taken you," Cole said quietly. "I wanted to destroy it. That's when I found out I could absorb the powers of vanquished demons."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe leaned up to look at him. "You thought the... oh no. The spell." She sighed. "When that thing attacked and I started screaming and trying to get away from it... apparently, my body on this side started screaming and twitching. Wyatt used the return spell to bring me back immediately." She lay a hand against his cheek. "I didn't know that I would just disappear like that and that you would think..."

[demonbelthazor]

"I didn't know," Cole said, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. "You just disappeared and I thought. . . ."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe leaned into him. "I'm sorry love. I wish I had known how to let you know I was okay."

[demonbelthazor]

"Not your fault," Cole said, playing with her hair. "And you're okay now, so that's what matters."

[sensethevisions]

"I'm okay now that I have you back."

[demonbelthazor]

"And now you're stuck with me," Cole said with a grin.

[sensethevisions]

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Cole."